Apology: The Relationship Superglue
By Abdulfattah Adeyemi Phd
Apology is like a stitch to a frayed fabric of friendship, a cement to mend a broken bridge that re-connects us with others, and a strong bond that strengthens our weakened union. It is a sort of healing balm to a wounded heart; a moral debt we owe someone we have wronged.
It is a heart-felt verbal honey that sweetens up embittered ties. It fosters peace, purges grudges, and facilitates forgiveness in a relationship.
To apologize is to acknowledge one’s faults without feeling oppressed, demeaned or humiliated. And this is very important to one’s sense of worth.
Apology should not make us to get overwhelmed with a pervasive sense of pathetic inadequacy. It should not belittle our values, or render our efforts worthless. A sincere apology is based on authentic humility which is founded on the balanced knowledge that a human being is neither essentially perfect nor fundamentally defective.
However, we should avoid embarrassing situations or actions for which we have to always apologize. It simply loses its effect when we get careless, insensitive, insincere or sarcastic.
Nevertheless, when the constant essence of our life is confession, regret and guilt; when we have to apologize every time for everything and to everyone, then, our apology is not a mark of humility, but a sign of self-loss and self-humiliation.
This is because, a humiliating apology has a tendency to weaken our sense of self-esteem, leaving us condemned, demoralized, depleted, constricted, and hopeless. In this case, there is need to check our sense of worth and be mindful of the kind of people we have surrounded ourselves with. Perhaps we are encircled by people who are just bent on disparaging our self-image through mental cruelty, criticism or abuse.
Conversely, we don’t have to force an apology out of someone who refuses to admit that they have done something wrong. Rather than yield a genuine result, “demanding” for an apology or insisting that it be expressed verbally by an apology-impaired person might lead to more frustration and acrimony. This is because, some people are averse to corrections, and they have poor, arrogant and egoistic response to criticism. They are incapable of authentic virtue.
There are also those who might choose not to say “I’m sorry,” but prefer to express their apology through acts of contrition: they might change their ways, try to fix things up, or come up with extra favours to cover up their mess.
This is why we should appreciate the bravery, courage, and humility of someone that tenders a sincere apology, and we should be magnanimous enough to accept the communicated remorse for what it is: the relationship superglue!
